Fallen
by Corinne1
Summary: *rating changed* I've held an angel in my arms. She's so perfect . . .And no one deserves her. Especially not me. [Jess POV]


"Fallen" By Corinne  
  
Summary: I've held an angel in my arms. She's so perfect . . .And no one deserves her. Especially not me. Jess POV.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of the associated characters. This is purely fictional  
  
Author's note: You guys are truly wonderful. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the beautiful reviews you left me. You've heard it a thousand times, I bet, but it's true - nothing makes writing more worth it than reading comments like those. I credit this story to all of you, because that's what fuels me to write.  
  
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I wish I could find the words. The right words. To show you how much you mean to me.  
  
You think you know what I feel for you. But you don't. You have no clue.  
  
Does it sound like a bad thing? See? I already screwed it up.  
  
I can never find the right way to say it. 'I love you' just doesn't work anymore. How can three words describe a feeling like this?  
  
They can't even begin to explain it to you. Because without you, without the wonder that is you, my life means nothing. You are so beautiful. So kind. So truly and unexplainably flawless, that I can't understand why you would choose me. Why me? I'm just me. You could have anyone. And don't you tell me differently, because we both know that it's the truth. But you picked me.  
  
I sometimes wish that you had picked someone else. I know it doesn't make sense.But if you hadn't picked me, then maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty. Because I do- I feel guilty. I feel guilty because you're mine . . . I'm not worthy of you. I must be such a disappointment. You're just too kind- hearted to realize it. You believe that we're perfect for each other. But we're not.  
  
Don't get me wrong. Damn it, I'd give anything. I mean fucking ANYTHING, to be good enough for you. We're not perfect because of me. I'm not perfect. You are. But I'm not. We can't be perfect for each other when I'm.just me. And you're YOU. You're pristine- With a heart so pure . . .And a mind so gifted. You're untainted. And so completely unrivaled. You are an utterly amazing human being. And I feel guilty for wanting what I'm not worthy of. But I want you.  
  
I need you.  
  
I can't live without you.  
  
Do you have any idea what it feels like to wake up beside you? Of course you don't. But let me tell you. Let me tell you that it fucking feels like flying. Like fucking soaring above the clouds. Like dying and going to heaven. Like I'm sleeping with an angel. To wake up beside you is an amazing experience. The most wonderful experience and the biggest miracle I could ever ask for.  
  
To wake up, warm and comfortable. To find your arms draped across my stomach, is to wake up submersed in a utopia. I find my muscles wonderfully achy and stiff. I find the baby-soft skin of your cheek against my chest. I hear your calm, even breathing. I feel it warming my skin. I find bliss.  
  
To hold your hand in mine. That tender, soothing hand. To hold it while we talk, while we snuggle, while we walk along the beach. To trace soft patterns on you palm, dance my fingertips across your knuckles, draw slow, lazy circles with my thumb. That is amazing. It's things like that that make me love you. It's the little gestures that you probably don't even notice.  
  
You know when you're confused? When you don't understand something I'm explaining? You do that little eyebrow thing. You raise both of them and tilt your head to the side. Your crinkle your nose, just a bit. You flash that huge, unmistakable grin. You are so adorable. It makes me laugh just thinking about it. You always make me happy. I could be having the worst day of my life- sometimes, I feel like I am . . . But as soon as I see you. As soon as I see my baby, I'm the luckiest man alive.  
  
Remember that one time, at the beach? It was a pretty day. There wasn't a magnificent sunset, or waves gently lapping at the sand. There wasn't a calm gentle breeze. It wasn't picture perfect, but it was ours. It was our day. And every time I remember it, I swear that it couldn't have been more beautiful. I know it was storming. I know it was raining. I know it was a little bit too cold. But it was the first time I felt like my life was perfect. The first time we said 'I love you'. The first time we held each other that way that only lovers can.  
  
You took my breath away. You still do. Every time I look at those big blue eyes that I've come to know so well, my love is reaffirmed.  
  
You never have to worry about losing me. My love is forever, which is the only true type of love.  
  
Do you know what would happen if you ever left me? Do you know what it would do to me? It would destroy me. It would destroy my heart. It would leave it shattered and broken like shards of glass. Too small and scattered to ever be pieced together. It would be lost. I could never love again, after loving you. Because the only true type of love lasts forever. My love for you is forever. My love for you is true. No one could take your place. Even if you left me, I could never hate you. They say that there's a thin line between love and hate. That's bullshit. There have never been two emotions so far apart. So completely and totally separate from each other that they never meet, even in the most extreme of conditions. My love for you is forever. And hate? Hate isn't even an option.  
  
How could I hate someone so staggering? You are the best person I have ever met. There's never been anyone so caring, never been anyone so kind. So gentle. So compassionate. You are not only beautiful, but a beautiful person. You're always there for me. You never think about yourself, even when you should. It makes me worry about you. You never give any thought to what you want . . . To what you deserve.  
  
But I suppose that's what I'm here for. If you won't think about yourself, then I'll think about you. Not that it's a choice for me. I'm always thinking about you. Always. Always waiting for the next time I'll get to see you. Waiting for the next time I get to hear your voice, to share a chaste kiss. But do you realize that I'm tainting you? You sigh with content. But there's no way, even in your state of perfection, that I haven't tainted you. I'm too dirty. I'm not innocent enough. But I'm too selfish to stop. I love you too much. I'm too far fallen, fallen into love with you.  
  
Hopefully that will be enough  
  
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b Author's Note: Leave me a review, please? There's nothing that makes me happier than hearing what everyone thinks of my work . . . so please, leave me a note, either way. 


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